Clearly whales are not “people”, at least not in any meaningful sense of the word. They don’t have names (other than the ones that humans give a few of them), they don’t have Social Security Numbers, they don’t have birth certificates (of any kind), and they don’t even have access to the internet. Not even AOL with Internet Explorer 6.

But a whale does figure prominently in a story familiar to most Sunday-Schooled youngsters. The hero of the story tries to escape from the demands placed on him by his fatherly creator, fleeing to the sea, where he is swallowed alive and lives in the belly of a whale. His name, of course, is Jonah (or in Italian: Pinocchio).

There are some who will try to discredit this Biblical account, pointing out (for example) that it is impossible for a human being to survive in the belly of a whale. Or they point out the misinformation taught in the so-called science classes of modern America: that a whale is a mammal, not a fish. But the Bible tells us in plain clear English that Jonah was swallowed by “a great fish”, and every illustration of this story I’ve ever seen showed it to look like a whale, so obviously this Darwinist “whales aren’t fish” propaganda must be false.

I mean: look at them! They live in the water! They’re long and slippery. They have no hair. They don’t have legs; they have fins. (Of course snakes don’t have legs either, but they’re reptiles not mammals, and that’s a special curse put on them by God for that business in the Garden of Eden.) They have tails… you know: the floppy-fishy kind, not the dog-wagging kind. Sure, they breathe air (part of God’s design to keep Jonah alive), and they appear to give birth to live young and nurse them, but so do other kinds of fish, such as dolphins and porpoises. And if they get washed up on shore and don’t get thrown back in, they’ll sit there and die just like a crop of alewives on the beaches of Lake Michigan. If that doesn’t make them fish, then I don’t know what does.